I feel like this current picture of our door needs little explanation, but I’m going to talk about it anyway.
First off, shout-out to my girl Colleen Fitzgerrell for being the fab-est roommate in the Midwest and the mastermind behind several items on this door right now. You’re killin’ it, lady. Also, shout-out to Mama Fitzgerrell for mailing her daughter the latest edition of Seventeen magazine. It was a real crowd-pleaser.
Now, let’s start off with the elephant in the room. Why is there a moderate shrine to Peeta (AKA Josh Hutcherson, AKA J-Hutch) on our door? Well, I’ll have you know that last night, we experienced the premier of Catching Fire. Because that’s what we do. We go to movie premiers on Thursday nights (refer to post on Thor: The Dark World). Anyway, along the plot arch of said movie, one realizes that Peeta is a sweet marshmallow with a heart of gold that every lady in Panem should be pining for. He’s the kind of guy who is going to bake you a black currant pie when you’re feeling down (see J-Hutch in Sensitive Guys 101 for reference) and then hold you in his toned arms until you drift into a peaceful slumber. If you need someone to accompany you to a drive-in screening of The Notebook and dry your tears, he’ll be there, probably with a loaf of freshly baked bread for you to eat and drown your sorrow in. Now that’s what I call
music boyfriend material. If you caught that joke, then virtual high five because you rock and/or were born in the ’90s.
Along with our tribute to Peeta (see what I did there), our whiteboard game is also on point if I do say so myself. We’re dropping some hard knowledge on you right now with the definition of the word “quaquaversal” and a fact about the first automobile race ever to occur. Also the knowledge that the NU Women’s Choir is having a dope concert on Sunday that all of you should attend because I will be there to watch and enjoy the vocal stylings of Colleen Fitzgerrell along with the rest of the choir. It’s going to be rad.
In conclusion, if you are living in a college dorm and your door is looking drab, take notes. Because we know what we’re doing here.
PEETA 4 LYFE.
Sometimes, not very often, I go into Anthropologie. And there is a reason I say “go into” instead of “shop at”, and it’s because I literally have never purchased an item there. Mostly the only times I ever go into Anthropologie are when I have a desire to imagine what my wardrobe would look like if I was lavishly rich and could purchase whatever I wanted and then say “I’ll have my personal assistant come pick it up on Tuesday”. A scenario that, by the way, is obviously in my future. However, these days, I have to be that patron that every employee probably hates when I try on 14 different items and then claim that nothing looked right when in reality everything looked exceedingly fabulous, it’s just that I have only $12 in my bank account and that lavender peacoat costs $400. It’s okay, Emma, your day will come to wear that lavender peacoat, just maybe not for like 20 years. Stay strong.
Furthermore, look at this perfect dress. I want to wear it to the Golden Globes and win the award for Classiest Lady. Is that too much to ask? So, basically what I’m saying is that if you read in the newspaper tomorrow that someone stole a $250 dress from Anthropologie (definitely not newsworthy) and there’s a reward being offered for whoever turns in the perpetrator (would literally never happen), keep your stupid mouth shut or I’ll find you (I will not find you).
When I listen to this album and close my eyes, sometimes I forget that I’m not sitting in a dimly lit chic cocktail lounge. I have to wake up and remind myself that the chair in which I’m sitting is not a futuristic barstool but a wooden desk chair from the year 1905, and that the drink I’m sipping is not an apple martini but lukewarm coffee, and that my shoes are not 6-inch heels but old Vans. It’s often a realization that makes me remember how uncool I am. But then I think about the blisters that 6-inch heels would bring and I applaud my Vans for knowing how to keep a foot happy.
Back to Disclosure… their beats are sick and their flow is dynamite. Many of you are probably familiar with “Latch” due to it’s apparent popularity, but I encourage you to go beyond. Open your ears to “Settle” as a whole. Listen to that “White Noise”. You’ll be “Defeated No More”. This album provides some true “Stimulation”. And then, “Confess to Me” how amazing Disclosure is. If you don’t like it, then that’s an “F for You”.
**virtual high-five for my puns**
If this picture doesn’t make you want to go rent a Marilyn Monroe/Cary Grant movie on DVD, put on your PJ’s, and oogle at Marilyn’s flawless curves while eating your weight in peanut butter, then I’m not sure we can be friends. Screwball comedies are perfect and make my cold heart feel a marginal increase in warmth. CARY GRANT AND GINGER ROGERS MAKE ME SO HAPPY I FEEL AS IF I WILL BURST AND MARILYN IS AN IMMACULATE BEING.
Alright, I’m done with excessive emotion. But I’d like to mention the satisfaction I draw from the couple in the background, silently freaking out because literally the two most famous actors of their generation are fumbling in front of them. Frankly, I think I would pee myself. But I’m a little bit sad that Ginger isn’t there.
Regardless, if you have never seen a screwball comedy featuring Cary Grant, you ought to promptly change that because he’s devilishly handsome and funny and if he were alive today, we would be dating. However, if you are a male and I have left you unconvinced, know that simply having an appreciation of Cary would probably make me want to date you. And this is leverage because, deep down, I know you all want to date me. Quit tryna deny it, you fools.
I hope everyone is having a swell November.
I changed the design of my blog. I felt that the text in the first design was too small. And it’s immensely important that my words are big enough for all to read because they truly are a pleasure. Those who are not able to read my words are probably living a life that is slightly sadder than yours, because you are reading my words and they are not. You see what I’m saying? You do see, because you’re intelligent enough to be reading this right now. God bless.
I have many guilty pleasures. I watch The OC, I listen to Justin Bieber, and sometimes I secretly put fake Aunt Jemima syrup on my pancakes instead of real maple syrup. I kind of like it, ok? But some days I can’t even look at myself in the mirror, coming from a family of true food lovers (a category in which I like to include myself). However, I believe that people who claim to have no guilty pleasures are either experiencing deep emotional turmoil, or are filthy liars. Generally, it’s the latter. Quit claiming you’ve never heard of One Direction. We all know you have “Best Song Ever” on your iPod and probably listen to it on your headphones at half volume and subtly hum along when you workout. Don’t be ashamed, we still love you.
Now, what I’ve provided you with today is one of my favorite guilty pleasure videos/songs of all time. It involves the smooth vocal styling of R. Kelly AND Usher. It makes me want to literally BE R. Kelly. I can’t explain why. Honestly, I don’t fully understand those who don’t like this song because it’s glorious. And the scenario depicted in this video obviously makes perfect sense and is entirely plausible. Don’t all twins work and live together and share a love of the Waffle House? The answer is yes. Yes, they do. So shut your face, haters.
What I’m trying to say is that if you’re reading this in a public place, watch this video on fullscreen and unplug those headphones. You’ll make tons of friends, I promise. Because R. Kelly is a universal language.
If you are acquainted with me, you may be aware of how openly embarrassing I am to myself and those around me in many public scenarios, such as a midnight viewing of the new Thor movie. I think it’s important to add that underneath that parka, I’m sporting a t-shirt that has a drawing of a ferocious shark with a speech bubble that reads “I HAVE FEELINGS TOO!”. I’d like to emphasise that I wore this shirt in public with pride because I live life to the fullest. Also, I posed for this picture. Because I love Thor.
On a different note, Thor was so excellent and I would literally go back and pay another $10 tonight to watch it again. I love Thor. So much. It’s full of wit, attractive men (Tom Hiddleston, come on), and good old-fashioned hand-to-hand combat. A true gem in the superhero category. And the everything category.
I give it 5 Mjölnirs. (google it, you fool)
Did I mention that I love Thor.