I’m turning 20 a week from tomorrow (Does it matter?)


Let’s talk about this.

Initially, when you hear that an individual is turing 20, it sounds so exciting!

“Whoa, you’re no longer a teen!”

That being said, let’s get real, you’re still not an adult. I know they told you that you were an adult when you were 18, but I think we all know that’s a load of BS. If you can’t legally order a margarita with your enchilada, you are not an adult. If you can’t request a smooth Zinfandel with your filet mignon, you are not an adult. If you can’t take a shot of vodka with your blini, you are not an adult. Are you picking up on the theme here? I thought you might.

Now, although 18 years by no means makes you an adult, it does come with it’s perks, like the following:

  • You can bust in to your local gas station and purchase hella lottery tickets and maybe break-even by winning $5 on a scratch off (but probably you’ll just be $5 poorer).
  • You can increase your cool factor AKA your chances of contracting lung cancer by purchasing cigarettes (Real talk, maybe you’ll smoke one, but then you’ll realize it was nauseating and give the rest to your friend who “only smokes cigs when she’s drunk.” Classic.)
  • You can join the military and simultaneously show your love for America (*insert screech of an eagle*) and risk your life in a foreign country.
  • You can call that 800 number and say “Vince, I’m 18 years or older so I’d like to order two Slapchops for the price of one because I love a bargain and coarsely chopped vegetables.”
  • You can get that tattoo of the Chinese character meaning peace on your bicep because you’re a youth of the modern generation and your mom can’t tell you what to do (or can she).
  • You can legally change your name to Mrs. Styles because you know it’s gonna happen anyway (I’m just planning ahead, my darling Harry).

Now that I think of it, 18 actually kind of rocks. But when you turn 21, the real fun starts. You can:

  • Buy wine
  • Buy beer
  • Buy vodka
  • Buy tequila
  • Buy rum
  • Buy more wine
  • Order a martini
  • Order a margarita
  • Order a mojito
  • Order an old fashioned
  • Order wine
  • Wine
  • Wait what was I talking about?
  • Oh yes, you can also foster kittens.

Ok, we’ve established that 21 also rocks. Now, finally, let’s talk about what happens when you turn 20:

  • You can no longer claim to be a “hip-hop teen” (was this just me?)
  • You feel the obligation to be a real person who does things.

I’m just over here, savoring my twentieth year of life. But only a week left. Pray for me.

Happy 20th to me (and Justin Bieber)!