A new calm


I am in a good mood today. Although I may often come off as the saltiest person you’ve ever encountered on this blog, in real life, I think I’m actually quite pleasant. That’s why I’d like to take a small departure from my normal, angst-ridden self today. But don’t stop reading! There’s more to life than blogging about baked goods and sleeping.

As I was sitting at home this morning, I realized that it’d been awhile since I had posted anything, so I started brainstorming. Usually, I like to write about things that are relevant to my life, or things that maybe some people can relate to. While I was trying to think of a topic that had been on my mind a lot, the only thing that came to mind was what a great place I’m at right now. I was thinking about my week and things that I’d done, and I honestly felt satisfied. The reason I tell you this is because, for me, this doesn’t happen that often. Commonly, I look back at my week and think either “What the fuck was I thinking” or “what am I doing with my life” or “I need to catch up on at least 34 hours of sleep” or “maybe I shouldn’t have eaten an entire box of Cheez Its in one evening”. But this week was different. Except for the Cheez Its part. I probably still did that.

Nothing in particular happened to make note of, but a combination of all the small, normal things that happened has made me feel like I’m finally settling in to myself, and adjusting to this part of my life. Being in college comes naturally to some people, but for a lot of people, it’s a difficult transition. For me, it has been a 2 and a half year transition, and I’m not even sure the transition is over yet. During my freshman year, while the UVM class of 2016 was busy forging new relationships and becoming accustomed to their new environment, I was anxiously curled up in my bed, filling out transfer applications. During my sophomore year, while people were coming back to school, eager to see their friends again and knowing exactly what to expect, I was reorienting myself to a new school, new people, and a new city, living out freshman year all over again.

During my first year at Northwestern, I knew that I had made the right choice transferring here, but was still going through the process of figuring out what I wanted to do and who I wanted to spend my time with. This resulted in me changing my major from computer science to film, which is not exactly a natural transition in and of itself, but it was the right choice for me. I finally (sort of) know what I want to do with my time in school, and can see a path that doesn’t terrify me, which is good. During my sophomore year, I had several people that had known me for a long time comment on how happy I seemed, which was true, but it wasn’t an easy sort of happiness. It was an anxious excitement, filled with self-doubt.

Today, I’m still anxious, and I’m still unsure of where my life is going, but I’ve finally come to terms with it, and realized that it’s ok to not know. This small realization has significantly de-stressed my life. It’s amazing how good if feels to give yourself a break.

My point is this: when you’re young, life is pretty much just a series of transitions, and just because you feel like you’re not in the right place right now doesn’t mean your life is going to hell. I still don’t really know if my life after college will be ideal or not, but I know that I’m trying. I know that at this exact moment, I’m doing what I want to do, even though I might not want to be doing the same thing 5 years from now. I know that it has taken me a long time to feel comfortable on my own and to actually do what I want to do and not what people have told me to do or what I think I should do.

I’ve found that it’s important to remember that everyone around you is living a unique, complicated, difficult, confusing, joyful, and ever-changing life. Believe me, it’s not just you.

Now, to make up for boring you with my ~feelings~, I leave you with several of my favorite gifs.

cat bee

FOTC Jemaine Dance FOTC Sugalumps


10000-maniacs 110000-maniacs-2

I hope everyone is having an inspiring 2015.


Hey, Summer, I thought we were friends. But I guess I’ll just hang with Fall now.

Friends don’t abandon friends, Summer. It’s like you just wanted to give me a taste of your splendor and then rip it away from me mercilessly. It’s like everything was fine and dandy, and then today you were like “Hey, Em, quick update: this is your last weekend of the summer and you have to start school on Tuesday.”

Excuse me? How dare you.

“Oh, and also you are now working 12 hours/week so you’re not poor plus another 3 hours where you will continue to make 0$/hour but you are too passive to quit.”

You know what, Summer? I came out to have a good time and I’m feeling so attacked right now. What I’m getting at here is that Summer is a first-class bitch and has left me here all by myself to deal with Fall and her pumpkin-spiced negative attitude. I’m not looking forward to it.

But my largest concern with Fall is that she lives RIGHT NEXT DOOR to the biggest a-hole of all: Winter. Fall tempts us with her pretty orange leaves and breezes just cool enough for us to wear beanies, but all she’s really doing is subtly softening the blow for when Winter comes around. She’ll try and make us feel good and think “Oh, this cold weather isn’t so bad” but it’s all a facade. The excitement of the new school year is not enough to make me forgive you, Fall. I know what you’re doing.

But I digress. So what will I be doing in the limited free time that I will have? I will indulge in Fall’s greatest perk. It’s something that almost makes me forget the deceit. It’s Fall television.

Because I am a lover of the half-hour sitcom, my Hulu homepage becomes fruitful again when the leaves start to fall. The abundance of little green “New Episode” boxes brings me life and hope for a triumphant season. Now that I know you are all wondering what shows excite me, I WILL TELL YOU. Here are the shows I’m jazzed for, ranked by my level of eagerness.

5. New Girl

nick miller

Although New Girl isn’t at the top of my list, I will most definitely still watch it. I feel like it has its moments of utter hilarity, mostly starring Nick Miller, but I also think it has deteriorated from its start. Some characters have developed and gotten amazing (cough cough Winston Bishop), some have remained consistently excellent (cough Nick Miller cough), and some have plateaued (Jessica Day cough cough). Ultimately, I continue to enjoy it and kind of just can’t stop watching it even though it’s not my favorite anymore. So that’s where I’m at here. But god bless Nick Miller.

4. Modern Family

come back mf

I am so excited for the return of this show. It never fails to entertain me because it is the bomb. And it has won like 4 million Emmys. Because it rocks and has been on forever and seriously just keeps getting better. Also my parents love this show. THREE CHEERS FOR GOOD CLEAN FAMILY FUN!!! However, it is not quite at the caliber of my top three. But don’t get me wrong, this show is bomb. In a positive way.

3. The Mindy Project

mindy chocolate fountain

Oh, Mindy, how I love you. What I love about this show is how much it has developed over its two seasons. It has gotten funnier and funnier, especially since Peter Prentice joined the team last season and made me laugh uncontrollably at everything he said. And since Morgan has continued to get weirder and weirder. AND SINCE MINDY AND DANNY ARE A THING NOW. Manny/Dandy forever. Also, I love me a comedic leading lady.

2. Brooklyn Nine-Nine

captain puppies

If you are not watching this show, you should be. I’ll be honest, it took me awhile to get into it, but it truly has delivered. I mean, look at this gif of the captain trying to give away adorable puppies. How can you resist that face?? And I think Andy Samberg is my spirit animal. And I aspire to be Chelsea Peretti. CAN THIS SHOW BE BACK ALREADY PLEASE I MISS IT SO MUCH.

1. Parks and Recreation


YES, I KNOW, IT’S NOT COMING BACK UNTIL MID-SEASON. But what, was I supposed to not put it on my list? I don’t know how long I can wait for season 7 before I explode. What can I say? Parks and Rec will forever be my boo. My one and only. Except for the four other shows that I listed. Also those. But mostly Parks and Rec. I am obsessed with every character on this show. I mean, just look at this gif. It honestly was nearly impossible for me to choose a gif because they are all perfect. Like, just google “parks and rec gif” and enjoy the ride. BUT IT’S THE FINAL SEASON GUYS, WHAT WILL I DO NEXT FALL? But let us treasure it while we still have time. Also, watch this show, you fool. Treat yo self.

What can I say? Deep down, I love Fall.


Winter Quarter 2014 was the worst thing that ever happened.

It’s true. Let’s break this down.

  1. It was winter quarter. Now, being new to Northwestern and the Chicago area, I had yet to experience a winter like the one I experienced this year. However, people who have lived in the Chicago area for their entire lives ALSO had never experienced a winter like this. On a given day, you would look at the weather and it would be like “You’re fine, it’s totally above 0 degrees today, champ”, but then, you step outside and your exposed skin starts to burn because you just entered a wind tunnel of icy death. So you proceed to double check the weather, and it’s like “LOL forgot to tell you about the -40 degree windchill that I put in tiny print under the temperature hahahahahahahaha sucks to be you.” THANKS FOR NOTHING, WEATHER APP. Moral of the story: don’t forget to check the windchill before exiting your home with less than 14 pieces of clothing on. God hates you.

    Jon Snow AKA me this winter:


  2. I’m pretty sure the Northwestern administrations was like “OK, here’s the plan: we offer literally the worst courses ever for winter quarter because everyone is miserable anyways and they’ll be totally fine with it.” For example, to fulfill my distribution requirements, I had to take Art History’s Intro to Modernism. If you have ever met me, you probably know that I would prefer to do 30 straight hours of calculus than read two pages in a book about modern art. Honestly, who did Kazimir Malevich think he was? I get that you’re trying to start an artistic revolution and all but let’s get real, you painted a black square on a white canvas. And then you painted a white square on a white canvas. It literally does not get more meta than that. Oh, and don’t get me started on Jackson Pollack. I could write essays on why I found Jackson Pollack annoying, but I’ll spare you.
    http://www.usc.edu/dept/LAS/IMRC/course_website/slides11/malev016_opt.jpg Cool story, Kazimir.
    Kazimir Malevich, White on White, 1918

    Cool story, Kazimir. Can’t wait to study this painting for 3 weeks.

  3. I experimented with an on-campus job, because I am most definitely not flushed with cash. Part one of this struggle was with the lack of cash itself, and part two was with the job I experienced. Quick background: I detest small talk. I find it to be silly, awkward, and uninteresting. My job LITERALLY was to conduct small talk with alums on the phone and ask them for money. Could I have picked a job that was less suited for me? Perhaps becoming a professional basketball player would have been less suited to me, or cooking meth, but I can’t think of many others. Essentially, this job brought me mountains of anxiety and hatred for the world that I could not handle, so I quit. Quitting this job was one of the greatest decisions I have ever made. Truly. Next time you get a call from your alma mater asking you for money, take pity on them. The poor soul on the phone may sound chipper, but deep down, their soul is slowly dying. Just give them $5. You can afford it. Skip the venti non-fat soy macchiato for a day in exchange for a shred of the student on the phone’s dignity. Don’t make them click “No Pledge”, it takes a toll.

Emotions when an alum tells me they don’t want to talk to me, they don’t want to give me money, and to never call them again:


So basically, that was my winter.